1 year

How many agonizing minutes is that? My brain cannot do that math....

Life is weird....I miss Brendan so very much....but I miss the way life used to be even more. Losing a child makes to many things complicated.

Today, I mourn the life I used to have....that includes you Brendan Austin....you were suffering so much....more than we knew.  But I miss my old life.....

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Black cloud

Today there has been a black cloud following me around. Not puffy white. Not steely gray. Black. With big ole raindrops falling down my shirt. I kept trying to run away from it. As the day went on and I got more tired from trying to run, I got more and more craby and less patient. I hated myself for it. I hate that tomorrow is August. Dang you calendar. August 1. Back to school readiness. Getting fun school supplies. I can finally stock up on my fun pens that I love to collect. The notecards that I love to have around. New notebooks. Folders for the kids. Lazy. Hazy. Crazy dayz of summer are almost done. The promise of new friendships. Fall bonfires and football games. August 1. The month of so many birthdays. My cousins. Delanies. My grandmas. My grandpas. August 1st. BAMs birthday. He was born just 6 hours short of my birthday. I was glad he could have his own birthday to celebrate. August 1. Brendan would be 26 years old. Not allowed on our insurance anymore. Cheaper car ins
Read more

Unexpected Blessings

Through the turns that life unexpectantly takes you on, people come and go. There are people that come running through life's storms, help out, but come and go.... Not quite a month before Brendan passed away, we met his current girlfriend. We liked her right off the bat. Getting to know Vanessa over this last year has been an unexpected Blessing....She is very thoughtful, takes ALL OF US as we are. Enjoys our Chaos now.....she has come around. We mention something and she pitches in, surprises us with something that we have longed for.....We have done some fun things over the past year with Vanessa coming along. Green Beer for St Pats Day, Bingo nights, sunflower shirts, birthdays, bean bags, The If onlys set it.....For now, I am thankful to have her in our life!
Read more

A Day To Celebrate

Today was our youngest biological daughters birthday. She turned 19. Her and I went out for lunch. She was having fun looking at all of her FB comments while we were eating. For some reason it was hard to celebrate. I put on a big smiley face, but inside I was crying. You can’t just go through life not celebrating anymore. Because each child deserve to have a special day. I’m still trying to figure out how to navigate through this pain. Well intentioned people say it gets better. But when your own flesh and blood leaves this earth, how can it get better someday? Will I ever smile again without secretly wanting to cry?
Read more