Black cloud
Today there has been a black cloud following me around. Not puffy white. Not steely gray. Black. With big ole raindrops falling down my shirt. I kept trying to run away from it. As the day went on and I got more tired from trying to run, I got more and more craby and less patient. I hated myself for it. I hate that tomorrow is August. Dang you calendar.
August 1. Back to school readiness. Getting fun school supplies. I can finally stock up on my fun pens that I love to collect. The notecards that I love to have around. New notebooks. Folders for the kids. Lazy. Hazy. Crazy dayz of summer are almost done. The promise of new friendships. Fall bonfires and football games.
August 1. The month of so many birthdays. My cousins. Delanies. My grandmas. My grandpas.
August 1st. BAMs birthday. He was born just 6 hours short of my birthday. I was glad he could have his own birthday to celebrate.
August 1. Brendan would be 26 years old. Not allowed on our insurance anymore. Cheaper car insurance.
I have been dreading this day all summer. And here it is. 11:59. July 31st. BAM is rejoicing. And we only have questions. What went through your head in your last moments? Did you cry out hoping someone would hear you? When did you see Jesus standing next to you. He caught you when you fell. While we slept. While I showered in the morning. While I wondered what red things I should wear, because it was Valentine’s Day.
There was so much to live for. Yet, in those moments you couldn’t see for all the hurt that got pushed into the deepest places of your mind. Depression. Anxiety. It sucks!
Bren. Oh Bren. So many people loved you. So many people cared. I know deep down you know that....knew.... but in those moments. You spiraled down and you were alone in your truck...
But God caught you when you fell.
; Go. Show. Love. Yes you. Show it!
August 1. Back to school readiness. Getting fun school supplies. I can finally stock up on my fun pens that I love to collect. The notecards that I love to have around. New notebooks. Folders for the kids. Lazy. Hazy. Crazy dayz of summer are almost done. The promise of new friendships. Fall bonfires and football games.
August 1. The month of so many birthdays. My cousins. Delanies. My grandmas. My grandpas.
August 1st. BAMs birthday. He was born just 6 hours short of my birthday. I was glad he could have his own birthday to celebrate.
August 1. Brendan would be 26 years old. Not allowed on our insurance anymore. Cheaper car insurance.
I have been dreading this day all summer. And here it is. 11:59. July 31st. BAM is rejoicing. And we only have questions. What went through your head in your last moments? Did you cry out hoping someone would hear you? When did you see Jesus standing next to you. He caught you when you fell. While we slept. While I showered in the morning. While I wondered what red things I should wear, because it was Valentine’s Day.
There was so much to live for. Yet, in those moments you couldn’t see for all the hurt that got pushed into the deepest places of your mind. Depression. Anxiety. It sucks!
Bren. Oh Bren. So many people loved you. So many people cared. I know deep down you know that....knew.... but in those moments. You spiraled down and you were alone in your truck...
But God caught you when you fell.
; Go. Show. Love. Yes you. Show it!
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